I lied

It happened so effortlessly, quickly, and with so little consideration of what I was doing. I said something that wasn't true and didn't give it an second thought. That is I didn't give it a second thought until much later and then it was sitting on me like a ton of bricks. After all that had happened and all that would happen, why would I do it? I don't recall when it started and I don't know why it was something I felt I needed to do. It wasn't a big lie and it wouldn't harm anyone (physically, emotionality, financially, or otherwise). It just happened. But once I realized what that meant, I became really distraught. I couldn't sleep. I thought about it constantly, and then I began thinking about what would happen if someone found out. What would I say? How could I explain it? What would people think of me? How could I make it right? Ah, that last one, how could I make it right? You know how to make something like that right. You do the right thing. Come clean and do what you should have done all along, tell the truth. And so, that is what I did.

No, you can't go back in time. No you can't ever really explain away your mistakes. We all try. God doesn't expect us to be perfect but he isn't looking for us to make out-and-out, bold face mistakes either. You see, sometimes we make mistakes because we don't think. You know the kind, unintentional missteps that you look back and say, that was just dumb. Other times, we make conscience decisions to not do the right thing. Isn't that what an intentional lie is, a conscience decision to NOT tell the truth, to not do the right thing?

None of us will ever be perfect but we can all try harder to follow God and his word. I admit I lied and I didn't like the way it made me feel. It is impossible for me to think that telling the truth, even when I know it will not be well received can feel any worse.